Saturday night our dog Theo got incredibly sick and - based on the evidence before us - was likely from getting hold of some grapes. After he was clearly getting worse (and the fact that he’s pushing 11 years old) I took him to the veterinary ER to see if he could get better treatment. While they initially treated him for grape toxins, they called and told me “that’s not our biggest concern.”

In the process of doing ultrasounds on Theo to address our primary reason for bringing him in, they said “he actually has a huge cancer tumor on his liver.”

The day before Theo had been jumping around, slower because of his age, but acting like himself. Now I’m being told he’s dying?

Theo had to stay in the hospital for at least 48 hours on an IV getting fluids and monitoring his kidneys for the grape situation. Those were two days where Megan and I were not okay. We were faced with potential end of life care decisions (Do we do surgery? Do we ride it out?) while working from home in an empty house that was now unsettlingly quiet without him there.

Nobody barking at delivery guys.

No warm ball of fur sitting by our feet while we worked.

We were facing the reality of Theo’s death before it even happened.

But There’s Cautiously Optimistic News

I was able to bring Theo home from the hospital yesterday afternoon. He was acting totally like himself. A “model patient” according to his doctor. He also had clean toxin scans, the cancer had not spread to his chest and he had been eating normally.

Theo and I sitting in the back of my car in the parking lot of the vet when I picked him up. Neither one of us had ever been so excited to see each other. But only one of us peed out of excitement in the vet’s lobby.

We made the decision, based on age + risk + vet consult, to not undergo a specialty surgery for his tumor. He’s already about at the average life expectancy of a dog his breed. We are just monitoring the growth of his cancer and making a few diet modifications.

Pursuing surgery could very well extend his life - but what kind of life would he have?

Our plan is to just love on him and give him the best stretch of life possible. It could be a brief time. However, if the tumor grows slow enough, our vet said that stretch could be almost another year. It’s day by day for however long this lasts.

Megan and I looked at this emergency trip to the vet as a huge blessing. We now know how to better care for our friend and make his day-to-day a little better as a result.

We also now have this bonus time with him. Without that ER visit, it would’ve been just another day at home with a dog. Now, every day we get with him is a gift that we appreciate considerably more. We felt the pain of his loss for a couple of days without him at the house but having a terminal diagnosis. Having him back is like getting all this extra time we felt might be lost.

Weird how that works.

Why Can’t The “Bonus Time” Mindset Be A Default?

Crappy experiences can be the best teachers. Scarcity almost always adds value. Sometimes having something taken away - or almost taken away - makes us more grateful for what’s right in front of us.

Reminds me of this scene in Fight Club. It’s NSFW (a lot of cursing and it’s violent) - and very intense - but makes a point. Pay particularly close attention to what Brad Pitt’s character says at the end of the scene.

We shouldn’t wait for sad (or in the case of the scene remarkably traumatic) events to be grateful.

How can we have that mindset every day?

What would it look like to look at every moment with our work, friends, family…and pets, as bonus time?

How much more rewarding would that be?

I don’t even remember what I had for dinner. All I know is that our dog was sitting under our family’s feet during meal time as usual - and it was one of the best meals I’ve ever had.

Originally posted on Brain Wads | March 16, 2022

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